i seriously love my friends
chelle, elton, nat, vivi, pam, jean, tang, nicky, marcus
thanks for everything!
i have great friends lah, they make me laugh all the time, that's why people cant really see i have been for the past 1 1/2 months cos i laugh in school all the time. i'm retarded. but yes i broke down last week.
i think i would have been a nervous shit wreak if not for them, i would have burst like a balloon and eaten myself and start craving names on my wrist like those emo people. or shave my head bald like spears. or shallowed a whole bottle of pills. i reaslly wanted to chop my hair off. but no i wont. i love my hair.


no you dont play me and never will

i want to be happy.
i want to laugh from the bottom of my heart.

geraldine, it's time to move on.

HIM
but how?

): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):

and i wish him well in whatever he does and whoever he's trying to go after now. just be happy. i'll be fine.

i'm a survivor

i wasted 2 months on you. that's long enough.
i'm sick of the weight on me. i'm sick of being that girl that everyone liked for a SHORT period of time. i'm sick of being played. i'm sick of being a loser.
i have friends (:
who needs you in that way? HELLO FRIEND YOU SUCK! fickle brain shit
i need to release all the energy that i haven released by crying! but yes, may we continue bring friends (: not worth losing the friendship over this shit.

maybe once in a while, i will think of you, look at things and be reminded of you. but that's that. FULLSTOP. NO MORE. THE END.

for now, YOU have joined my shelf of untouchables. someone i can never get even though i love[loved] you so much. the most i have ever gave to a guy. you. you are lucky? hur no/yes. whatever. i will learn from you and be hack care.

"it's just a passing phase" i quote

CNY PERIOD
retard errol. tweet tweet. when we were going to the airport to send joseph off.

only hope- mandy moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I'm awaken in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yoursI pray
To be only yoursI know now
You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of the galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me all the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yoursI pray
To be only yours
I know now
You're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving Him all I have

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray
To be only yours
I pray
To be only yours
I know now
You're my only hope

a last message to you <3

love, gerri

maybe what she said was right, we are teens, we all go through these kind of stuff at some point of our life. we tell ourselves how much we hate being hurt, hate our life, hate so-and-so, hate being fooled, hate yourself. but is this all just to make us stronger. maybe when we grow to 30, everything that seemed so painful and raw wouldnt mean a single shit to us at that time.

happy. this word is too general. you can be feeling happy and sort-of-secure with all your friends around you. but deep down, there is this sorrow that lies covered, calm when you sit there laughing with your friends. but it's when you're alone or feeling like nobody in a huge crowd that the feeling rises and grips you so tightly within you. your heart, your stomach, your insides. it squirms and struggle to break free but you force it upon yourself to swallow that grief. you force yourself to smile and tell people that you are merely stoning. well yes, you may be. but you are thinking subconciously.

it has already become part of your lifestyle. that uneasiness. those sudden pangs of sadness, when you miss him incredibly. those thoughts that flows through your mind like air. questions mostly. questions that you know you want to spill out from your mouth but only your heart knows the words. your brain cant find any words to string it into a sentence. those questions have fused into your emotions. it's not the usual. i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm irritated. it's the very deepest of a human's heart. but usually the same questions run over and over like a old film. yet, you stand lost day afetr day. searching for nothing.

you know what's the whole reason behind your emo-ness. but this isn't mathematics. you don eliminate it like plucking apples from a tree. the reason of your sadness has clung onto you like glue. even if you untimately remove, bits of it has ran itself into your very skin and gripped every cell around it. you go almost deaf. you dont want to hear what people say. you just want to see and hear what you want. you just want that bittersweet to linger. to stay a lil longer and not evaporate and vanish forever.

life is full of what-ifs..
what if i kept my mouth shut that time and locked my heart and kept my secret in a corner of my heart where no one will ever find if i just kept my mouth shut.

haha i wore leggings for the first time

i could only stare at those memories
as i clutch them close to my heart
and watch your face fade
like how sand triclkes through my fingers

i could only believe those words
you said to so many girls
i felt your affection for one moment
like how the wind stirs you up a while

i could only lie to myself
though i know that vow will one day be broken
and watch my happiness die
like that pretty rose wilter without water

i could only close my eyes
let everything fly and be gone
far far away from my grip
like that kite i can never reach

i could only shed those tears
watch my vision blur
allow my broken heart cry
like rain that falls from the clouds

got 8 for my L1R5, will stay in acjc. i'm not super happy of my results, didnt improve. especially upset bout my geog which i studied like crazy and got only an A2. whatever i got 8. it's not so bad.

met keith for dinner at esplanade. was so tired, my eyes, cos i cried in the afternoon for geog.

then went to town to meet chelle, samuel, pris, liming, john, jonah. was just watching them eat sakae. koped jonah's food heh. then we just walked around and couldnt decide what to do so me, chelle, samuel and jonah ended up at some guy's house. but me and chelle felt so weird so we left. i had to leave anyway. john went to holland v to meet his friends. liming and pris went for mignight shopping.

i have nth much to say. other than my flu is back.

lots of things in my head.
it's hard to be fooled.

OH MY TIANNN!! results!!! i didnt get any moe's letter to be teacher so that's good i hope! AHHH okay! about 14 more hours.

barker came to my school for training today. met elton, keith and nat. watched acjc's match a while. i was hoping form one grp to another. hahah errol stupid idiot keeps calling me a traitor, you bird!

went for a simple but cosy dinner at holland v (:
i enjoyed it.
but it was short

and i broke the promise i made to myself.
that i will be strong and never cry cos of you again.
i want to grow stronger.

pamm, me, poky and vivian! (:

today was barker match in school.